Why I Won't Follow You on Twitter (with Lame Jokes)

A while back I wrote "My Twitter Manifesto (with Jokes)." I had to append that with "A Difficult Decision Regarding Twitter," which explains why I don't personally thank you for retweeting me. It's not because I'm a narcissistic jerk, either. I am, but that has nothing to do with it. Well today, I release the third installment in my never-ending quest to figure out how to most effectively use Twitter without going mad in the process.

First of all, I have to admit that the title is a bit of lie. (No, not that part. The jokes are lame). But if you're reading my blog, chances are I will follow you on Twitter. But when one gets a certain number of followers, a lot of the leeches come out to play. So for them (and for your amusement) here are the reasons why I won't follow you (but probably not you) on Twitter.

1.You do not have a profile photo. I realize that not everyone wants to reveal their mugs to the anonymous world, but put something in there, a picture, a cartoon, something. I don't follow eggs.

2. You have no information in your bio. You need not tell me where you live, where you work, what your children's names are or what debilitating diseases you're suffering from, but give me something that indicates you're a person I want to connect with. Something like—oh, I don't know—"I like books." Or "I am a sci-fi nerd." 

3. You lead off your bio with a sentence containing any of the following words: marketer, marketing, entrepreneur, consultant, optimization, mentor, coach, e-commerce or followers. I reserve the right to add words to this list.

4. You call yourself a "guru."

5. You are the Twitter account of a business completely unrelated to what I do or in a location that is not easily accessible to me (sorry, dry goods store in Topeka, Kansas).

6. Any other damn reason I want. Seriously, though, I'll probably end up following back most of those who follow me. If you're into writing, books, sci-fi or speculative fiction in general or anything else in the realm of nerd-dom, I'll probably want to connect with you. If I have not followed you back, send me a Tweet and I'll rectify the situation. I would also suggest that if you think I'm an interesting person to follow, check out the people I follow myself. I don't go through and just follow random people, I try to find those who I would genuinely be interested in talking with. I think it's only fair that if I will not follow back those who have nothing to do with my interests, I shouldn't follow someone who mentions, oh, nothing but chainsaw sculpture in their bio just to increase the number of my Followers. Actually, chainsaw sculpture is kind of cool. I probably would follow that person. But I think my point is clear. I hope that together we can make our Twitter community a community of value. I'd also like to make a quick plug for the #BuyIndie hashtag. It's the brainchild of Benjamin X. Wretlind; search for it if you like to support other indie writers.

Best,

Michael K. Rose

A Difficult Decision Regarding Twitter

When I first began on Twitter, I was stunned that there were people out there who not only wanted to follow me but were also willing to retweet my book announcements. I've now reached the point where I have over 5,000 Twitter followers and wake up every morning to dozens of retweets. I get dozens more during the day and what I used to do was thank each person individually, click over to their Twitter stream and retweet something of theirs.

As my list of followers grew, I found that this was taking up more and more of my time. I started a list, "People I like to RT" and would go through that every day. Then I started thanking people in batches for their RTs and mentions.

Now even that is becoming too overwhelming. On top of that, Twitter, for some reason, is really sketchy about sending me the email announcements when someone RTs or mentions me, so I'm missing tons of people in my "thank you" Tweets.

All the time I spend putting people on "thank you" lists, searching for tweets of theirs for me to RT, and just generally trying to manage everything going on on Twitter is just taking too much of my time. So beginning today, I have decided that I am not going to send out the "thank you" tweets any longer. If you do RT or mention me, know that I am, of course, thankful for it.

This is a difficult decision for me because it causes me great distress to think that someone might find me rude or unappreciative. It is simply not the case, and that is why I am writing this post rather than just stopping the thank yous and RTs without notice.

But in compensation, I am doing something now, which you may have seen me Tweet about before. If you want me to RT something specific, just add "#RT @MichaelKRose" to the end of it (without the quote marks) and I will RT it as soon as I see it. I will try to do this without fail to anyone who adds that to their tweet, assuming it is a Tweet relevant to the interests of my followers and not vulgar or crude in any way. I'll also be occasionally sending out this tweet (or one like it) so everyone knows how to get an RT from me:

Writer friends, want me to #RT your book? Just put "#RT @MichaelKRose" (without quote marks) at the end so I'm sure to see it!

I'd like to again thank everyone who has been so helpful and generous. I will, of course, continue to chat with people who tweet to me, and I hope that many of you will add the "#RT @MichaelKRose" tag to your tweets so I can continue to return all the kindness so many have shown me.

Best,
Michael K. Rose

Teri Heyer is "Talking About Reviews"

Writer Teri Heyer wrote a great blog post about reviews. Check it out here. I wanted to share her post because she pretty much sums up how I feel on the issue as well. I particularly agree with her on the point regarding 5-star reviews. I hate reading those comments that imply that the reviewer must be a friend/family member of the author. It seems some people are just unable to accept the fact that pretty much any work of art will have some who love it and some who hate it. I've heard people rail against Beethoven, for crying out loud!

If you're a writer, this blog post is definitely a worthwhile read. Go have a look and leave your own thoughts in the comments section.

A Guide to Attending the Symphony or Opera, Part II

Welcome to the next exciting installment of "A Guide to Attending the Symphony or Opera!" The first part, which can be found here, covered the basic guidelines one should follow when attending one of these events. This part will go over the musical forms one is likely to hear when attending a symphonic performance. Believe it or not, when you go to the symphony you aren't necessarily going to hear a symphony! But if your knowledge of classical music is minimal, there is no need to worry about this. I'll walk you through the five most common musical forms performed by today's symphony orchestras.

1. The Symphony - This is the obvious one. Wikipedia defines a symphony as "an extended musical composition in Western classical music, scored almost always for orchestra." Most symphonies are in multiple movements, or parts, with four movements being the "standard" organization. Typically, there are thematic elements that run through the entire symphony. These musical themes can be very apparent or they can be subtle and picked up only after repeated listenings. This is why, as I recommend in Part I, it is valuable to listen to a recording of the piece you're going to hear. It is truly exhilarating when you first pick up on a theme in a piece of music. You then begin to hear the piece as a whole, how each element relates to all the others, rather than as a series of nice-sounding notes. As also mentioned in Part I, do not applaud until the entire symphony is over. There will usually be breaks between each movement so if you are unsure, wait for the majority of the audience to clap, not just a few scattered clappers. A warning: some symphonies will try to trick you. There can be more (or fewer) than four movements, one movement can lead to the next attacca (meaning without pause; see the last two movements of Beethoven's 5th Symphony) or the movements may be atypically arranged. Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony is a superb example. It has a rousing third movement which leads many to believe it is the finale. However, there is a fourth movement, a beautiful and mournful adagio. If there is raucous applause after the third movement, the solemnity of the fourth movement can be affected.

2. The Concerto - Symphonies and concertos are the most common musical forms you will encounter when going to see a live performance. Wikipedia defines a concerto as "a musical work usually composed in three parts or movements, in which (usually) one solo instrument (for instance, a piano, violin, cello or flute) is accompanied by an orchestra." So, very simply, it is like a symphony but with a soloist playing a virtuoso part along with the orchestra. As mentioned it is usually in three movements, typically arranged fast-slow-fast. The solo instrument can be anything but you will most commonly encounters violin concertos, cello concertos and piano concertos because they are the most popular. One of my favorite concertos is actually a guitar concerto by Joaquin Rodrigo called "Concierto de Aranjuez." The second movement, the adagio, is often heard in movies, TV shows and commercials. Miles Davis brilliantly interpreted the movement for trumpet on his Sketches of Spain album.

3. Choral Music - Sometimes a symphony orchestra will pair with a choral group to present choral music which can be a nice change of pace. Some choral works include soloists singing certain parts of the work. Choral music forms some of the most beautiful and uplifting music in the Western canon, particularly the cantatas by Bach. And, of course, one of the most spectacular choral works is Mozart's Requiem. It is even more moving when one considers that it is the last piece of music he ever worked on. Beethoven's 9th Symphony is both a symphony and a choral work, with the chorus entering during the last movement to sing Schiller's inspiring words.

4. Chamber Music - It is not too common for a symphony orchestra to perform chamber music and there is a very good reason for this. Chamber music gets it's name from the fact that these works were meant to be played in a chamber, or room, of a house. So, what is chamber music? Most pieces of chamber music are called trios, quartets, quintets, septets, octets, etc. It depends on how many instruments are used to play the piece with the configurations of instruments varying wildly. However, the most common form of chamber music you will hear is the string quartet, consisting of two violins, a viola and a cello. As mentioned, symphony orchestras do not often put on programs of chamber music but in any large city there will be groups of chamber musicians or organizations that put on performances. Again, most chamber music is in several movements (four movements are typical for string quartets). This is also a nice change of pace from orchestral music because one gets to hear each player individually as well as in combination with only a few other instruments. The harmonies that can be produced by a string quartet border on the divine. Also, if you want to prepare a quiet, romantic dinner at home, chamber music is an ideal choice for the stereo.

5. Lieder or Songs - This is another rare treat, especially if you like vocal music. A song can be sung by one or more soloists and can be accompanied by just a solo piano or a full orchestra. Often, songs will be arranged in cycles by a composer, with each song telling part of a larger story or following a common theme. Some famous song cycles include Schubert's Die schöne Müllerin (The Lovely Miller Maid) and Mahler's moving Kindertotenlieder (Songs on the Death of Children). If a symphony orchestra performs a program that includes songs, it will often only be part of the program, say the first half, with the second half devoted to orchestral music.

I hope this post has encouraged you to get out and support your local symphony! I am by far an expert on classical music, I am merely an enthusiast. However, if there are any questions you may have feel free to ask them in the comments section. I also welcome corrections to anything I have written here. Part III, coming at some undisclosed future date, will focus exclusively on opera.

See Also:
A Guide to Attending the Symphony or Opera, Part I

A Guide to Attending the Symphony or Opera, Part I

Well, I know this is a bit off-topic but as I was sitting in my regular seat at the symphony last night and looking at all the empty seats (granted, it was Black Friday) I realized that a lot of people may want to attend the symphony--the more ambitious the opera--but may feel intimidated about it or feel that it is a stuffy, formal affair. They may be afraid of committing some breach of etiquette. So, I've put together this guide in the hope that those who read it will get out there and support the high arts!

Part One - The Dos

1. Do buy your ticket in advance. Often you can buy a ticket at the box office the night of the performance but then you'd have to leave your date standing in the cold while you scan the seating chart and select your seats. You also risk not being able to find a seat or, perhaps worse, finding that only the expensive seats are left.

2. Do arrive early. At least half an hour before the start time. This, of course, gives you a buffer if there is bad traffic or an accident. But, it is very bad form to walk in after a performance has started it. Many venues will let you in but some will make you wait until there is a pause in the music. Again, not a good way to impress your date.

3. Do dress up. No, I don't expect white tie and top hats and yes, many places you will see people arriving in t-shirts and jeans but... don't be one of those people. Slacks and a button down is perfectly acceptable for the men, a skirt/dress or nice slacks and blouse for the women. In most cities you will see very few people dressed formally and if you go in "business casual" (even though I hate that term) you'll fit right in. A sport coat and tie for the men will kick it up another notch. Also, if you don't own a matching suit, don't try to match an odd pair of pants to a sport coat. Contrast the coat with a lighter or darker trouser.

4. Do try to listen to the piece beforehand. Part of the enjoyment of the symphony for me is comparing how the live performance differs from my favorite recordings. Most programs will also give you a bit of history about the composer and piece (you did arrive a half hour early so you could read it, right?). Sometimes this information will enrich your appreciation of a piece. Knowing the circumstances of the composer's life or what was going on when he wrote the piece can add another level of understanding and enjoyment to your experience.

5. Do have fun. Don't think that you can't smile if a particular passage comes across as humorous--the composer may have actually intended it to be so! (see Haydn). Don't be afraid to tap your foot during a rousing finale (just be sure not to disturb your neighbor). This music is meant to be enjoyed, not coldly studied and analysed (although you can do that, too!)

Part Two - The Don'ts

1. Don't, for any reason, make unnecessary noise during the performance. There is no reason to talk to your partner, unwrap hard candy (do it beforehand and keep a few pieces in your pocket), flip noisily through your program or yell at the performers. Women (and men, for that matter) should think twice before wearing loud accessories, such as bangles that'll clink together or purses with chain straps.

2. Don't answer your phone or text. Phones should be silenced. If you have a job or situation that requires you to be constantly on call, try to get an aisle seat near the back so you can take the call in the lobby. And texting is a no-no. The bright light in a darkened hall is very distracting to the people behind you.

3. Don't wear any strong perfumes or colognes. I don't think I need to explain this one.

4. Don't clap between movements. Many pieces are comprised of several movements and it is standard to wait until the piece is finished before applauding. There are two exceptions: during the opera it is appropriate to applaud a performer after an aria and during a piece with a solo performer (such as a concerto) it is rarely appropriate to applaud him or her between movements after a particularly impressive performance. Hint: this is another reason you listen to the piece beforehand. Now, if someone does begin a clap at an inappropriate time, herd mentality means that several others will follow along. Don't do it. The fewer people that clap, the sooner the music can continue and they might get the hint and not do it after the end of the next movement. If you are unsure that the piece has ended, wait for the majority of the hall to being applauding before you join in. Also watch the conductor. He will indicate the ending by lowering his arms and turning around.

5. Don't leave before the applause has ended and the lights have come up. This is just inconsiderate to the performers (and yes, they can see you walking down the aisle while they're taking their bows). Aside: a standing ovation is common for great performances. If everyone else stands, do so as well. If only a few stand, stand as well if you want to. No one will look down on you for a solo/sporadic standing O. I've done it several times when I thought the performance deserved it.

Feel free to ask any questions in the comments section. I'd also love to hear of your own tips for attending the opera or symphony.

Best,
Michael

See Also:
A Guide to Attending the Symphony or Opera, Part II